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Balloons
I have no interest in destroying my illusions – I like them too much. All I want in my life, you know, is love you. You call me when you’re tired. You call me when you’re busy. You call me when you’ve promised & it stops my breath every time. That you do. And you don’t. Forget. Me. It’s an integral part of you. It shouldn’t be under the burden of your conscience. I’m scared to find the depth of you that is complicated. We can still survive, even though something’s not good. I try to remember how you made me angry and I can’t. Maybe I’m angry, I don’t…
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In the middle of the night
Goodnight. I think in matters of the heart we’re all alone somehow. Just know, it’s all okay whatever it is that you’re feeling. You have to trust yourself, there is no other option. I don’t think I’ve loved so intensely in such a long time, that I’m the least knowledgeable person when it comes to love. It’s all a mystery to me. Only thing I know is that when I thought I couldn’t survive, I did and & I changed. I became a different person over time & I wouldn’t want that change to go away. I became myself. “Everything you lose is a step you take.” But since I…
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Jealous…
“La imaginación desbordante, atmósferas enigmáticas, libertad creativa.” You really get to see where the diamonds lie when you meet a lot of coal. No, no, no – how did it go? Sobre todo lo que me gusta es la imaginación. “Sobre todo no quería volver a hablar. She didn’t want her words to scream her pain.“ I always know when you write me a message because I wake up 8 mins afterwards. You care about me & I care about that. It’s not love but I love you still. Kristallklares Lachen. I knew what I was giving up but I gave it up anyway. I know that you will never…
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Soft
“Will answer tonight!” Will not happen. I’m on my own. And I am grown. I can deal with this. A taste of the medicine. Mirroring can be effective. I heard. Well, it’s not even a tactic. I just don’t even feel like wasting my energy anymore. Rare for me. Share reality. Sad for me. I’m listening to the sky. The whole wide sky. In a loop in my ears. In a loop in my heart. The sky. Is breaking my heart. My face is blue and yellow. There are two sides. My ear is an eye. You can see two faces. My hair is black and curly. A soft Picasso.…
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OK
Ok, thank you for your message, sorry for you. My boundary is not to be left waiting like that. I need honesty in that way. And that is not too much to ask. I prefer not to make an appointment when you don’t have time for it. I still don’t understand why you didn’t cancel. Isn’t it in the back of your mind that you have another appointment that you can’t keep? So, why not just cancel? Or never suggest something that is so tight in the schedule that it can’t work. In any case, I cannot live like that. All I know is that I don’t find this sort…
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Time
Is the way that you tell time a cultural thing? Because I don’t understand why you don’t tell me before. Does it mean you don’t care or does it mean you’re overwhelmed? Or something else entirely? I don’t get it. I honestly don’t mind waiting that much. But I get super disappointed when I get disappointed, all the more after waiting a long time. So, I don’t know what to make out of it. If you can’t make it for whatever reason, I prefer a short and quick disappointment over a slow, hopeful and painful one. Leaving someone to wait is also a disrespect to that person’s time and life.…
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Glückssorten
Glück kann viele Formen annehmen. Manchmal ist es ein neues Gefühl, an das man sich erst gewöhnen muss. Es kann sich unvertraut oder falsch anfühlen. Manchmal ist es ein altes Gefühl, von dem man eventuell nicht zu hoffen wagte, es wieder anzutreffen und sich nun freut, dem alten Bekannten wieder zu begegnen. Es kann ein kleines Gefühl sein oder ein großes. Zuweilen ist es schwer zu erkennen und zuweilen drängt sich einem der Verdacht auf, dass großes, unverkennbares Glück eine den Körper berstende Kraft besitzen müsste und dabei doch unmöglich anhalten könne. Eine kleine Prise Glück verdient jeder. Eine kleine Menge Glück muss man nicht hinterfragen. Ein Mann schenkte mir…
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You
I don’t want to play it cool. I really like you. I wish I had you. It’s just another language, form of expression, I want to speak with you. Express your soul. Express your heart. Be. Meet me in the highs. When you feel my lows, I promise you my highs. Can I be with you? I want to see with you – the truth. I could love you forever. I thought about it. Would you let me? Switch between two things. Can we switch between two things? Seam – less – ly ? Haphazardly. I don’t want to be ashamed of myself. Can you take that? If I’m not…
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Monster
Ich schlafe in einem Zimmer, in dem mich die Moskitos zerstechen, und versuche mich unter der Bettdecke zu verstecken. Es summt um mein Ohr und manchmal, eher selten, schaffe ich es, eine der Mücken, wenn sie träge ist, weil sie bereits begonnen hat mein Blut zu saugen, zu erschlagen. Dabei schlage ich mir gelegentlich in mein eigenes Gesicht. Ich mag keine Flecken an den Wänden. Andere Leute richten ein Massaker in ihren Zimmern an, das einem Moskitofriedhof gleicht. Wir haben ein duftverströmendes Gerät, das man in die Steckdose steckt und von dem wir nicht wissen wollen, wie schädlich dessen Inhaltsstoffe sind, aber fast Mitte November haben wir aufgegeben es zu…
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Not too good today
I want the pain when there’s still the hope of it all working out. Oh yeah, we’ll be a revolution, babe. I feel the 1950-ies creeping up on me. Oh shit… I used to talk too much. You ask, “Where have you been?” And I tell you all my life. I know it’s too much. But you say, “I, I, I like it that way” You get me? All my words are jumbled. I lose all track of time. Nothing is coordinated. I was bound to break. I just wanted to be myself. Why is it so hard? I’m beginning to hide because I could get hurt. So I hide.…
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