Pace of our space
“They did not want to admit the annoying loss of a man in space.”
I’m lost in space. My space is the earth. I feel like I’m in space. My space floats, nothing is firm. I don’t have a dog with me that floats with me.
No archives were doctored. I’m still alive. No one’s been informed of my death. Maybe the old me has died but maybe she has to come back tomorrow to fix the new me’s mistakes.
Maybe mistakes don’t need fixing. “Hay que fracasar para aprender.” Not the German mentality, not my family’s legacy. Not what they legated to me. “Cuando hay la necesidad aprendemos.” Si no hay la necesidad?
I rewrite history – my own.
I disappeared but I’m still here – do you see me now?
Or am I invisible? Invisible. To everyone but you. My mission so broke but I’m not broken. Your vision much more sincere – and you disappeared.
Now I have this phantom ghost that has your face. You ran from the meteorite, got lost in the extravehicular operation. In a far-off land that I’ll never see you have your routines now & dream of getting out. Maybe tomorrow you meet your destiny. Do you believe? I wish you did – with me.
Your capsule was hit and you lost your mate. No chance of return, got lost in space. Space. How I dream of space. Ever feel like there isn’t enough? Space & the air to breath.
You breath. I breath far away. The sea is my air. Sand between toes, the beach is my space. Your space is snow. I see you now, in the mountains there, laughing so bright and in a different world. Your world is the real world. I live in fantasies. Always at risk of dropping out. Landing on the hard ground is my occupational risk. I dream up fairy tales that no one else can see & no one else believes. All that’s missing is a mean step-mum but there’s no space for that.
There’s no space for anyone too big for happiness.
White mountains, pink skies. There’s blue on the other side.
Look my way when the sun goes down.
I watch her every day. And I imagine…
I imagine you here. In the water with me. We run & we twirl, we shake & we swirl. There’s no more fun than saltwater hair & freezing cold wind when we breath all the air. Splashes. It was your idea. Happy. I go along. Salt burns on cuts on my feet & in my eyes. You come alive. Everything’s alright.
Nowhere else to go. We don’t need more.
Birds in the sky, circling in highs. I don’t need more.
Here are the shores. Touch the ground. We’re safe for now.
In the pace of our space.
Copyright Hannah Knaack-Völker
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