Balloons

I have no interest in destroying my illusions – I like them too much.
All I want in my life,
you know,
is love you.
You call me when you’re tired. You call me when you’re busy. You call me when you’ve promised & it stops my breath every time.
That you do. And you don’t. Forget. Me.
It’s an integral part of you.
It shouldn’t be under the burden of your conscience.

I’m scared to find the depth of you that is complicated.
We can still survive, even though something’s not good.
I try to remember how you made me angry and I can’t.
Maybe I’m angry, I don’t really know.

With every “no” you get closer to a “yes”.

I try to remember what upset me, but since it was you who upset me I’ve already forgotten.
What a curse & a blessing, what frustration! Your goodness in me erases all else.

We agree on so many things, I don’t want to know what we don’t agree on.
When we don’t agree, we’re gonna fight so hard, universes will be clashing.

When you walk fast, you’ll never get anywhere.
I remember the time you offered for the first time, I can call you anytime.
The first time you told me, I can call you whenever I need to.

I like it when you say, “I like it”.
You say it so completely differently to me.
Damn, I like it. Do you really mean it?

You attract what you feel.

I used to have coherent thoughts and no one cared.
I imagine your reply, so I can feel better.
My favourite thing about loving you is that in my dreams you love me back. And in reality you are my friend.
Wir sind zwei Luftballons.
He’s like me. He has so many layers.
“I’m gonna tell you something now.”

Messages to myself. I send everyone else messages, but never write to myself.
Trabajar is what you have to do when you don’t have time to write.
Sometimes I think I take the wrong decisions. What’s a wrong decision?
We’re two young people in this world & we just want to live.
I’d like to get drunk with you.
I never was afraid of your death. That’s why I liked you.
But now… I feel the fear creeping up.

Málaga
24.01.2023
Copyright Hannah Knaack-Völker
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